Being female ebontics
by President Prinny
Summary: Venus gods crappy fanfic in ebontics!rated m because of horrible words


Chapter 1: da Baby Happens

AN: This iz da sequel ta "Becoming Female", but ya'll don't haz ta read da thang first ta understand anything because I'll explain everything that happened an' stuff.

My name iz Crystal Malfoy. meh used ta be called Harry Potter before meh waz turned into a girl by an accident Snape did an' married Draco Malfoy at an awesome pirate wedding. After graduating from Hogwarts, meh moved into Draco's big crib thang an' lived there with him an' hiz awesome mother Narcissa an' also Sirius Black. Lucius didn't live there anymore because Draco waz havin' epically killed him fo' being sexist, making him dead an' no way alive anymore. One dey, me an' Draco decided ta goed ta St. Mungo's so meh could haz our baby. meh waz wearing a yellow T-shirt, a bright orange vest with blue polka dotes, a purple jean skirt an' red sandals with olive green socks. meh waz havin' dyed mah hair blue an' put da thang into a pony tail thang an' meh waz wearing lots o' makeup. meh also waz havin' underwear on.

"Hello, meh would like ta haz a baby todey," meh told some nigga.

"Right this way," da niggas said, leading me an' Draco ta a room that waz inside da hospital.

"Hello, I'm a healer," said a healer. "Get on this bed an' start screaming ta make da baby come out."

"Okay," said meh as meh got on da bed. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" meh said.

"Push! Push!" yelled Draco helpfully because otherwise meh wouldn't haz known about that part. meh screamed epically some more an' made da baby come out o' mah pleasure hole. Then meh picked up mah awesome baby an' da thang waz a boy an' meh knew da nigga would never be sexist like that sexist idiot Ron Raper hoo used ta be called Ron!

Chapter 2: Ginny needs help now!

"What should we name our awesome baby?" asked Draco handsomely as hiz amazing gray eyes glowed romantically at me.

"How about we call him Sunshine Archimedes Malfoy?" meh suggested happily while meh smiled a lot.

"Okay!" said Draco an' da nigga smiled too with hiz mouth! We goed home with our baby thang an' put da thang in a crib where da thang belonged. Then we started ta kiss romantically with our lips touching. Suddenly, Narcissa walked into da room!

"Whoa, ya'll two look so cute together!" da bitch laughed at us. "Anyway, ya'll haz some guests." Then Ginny walked in da room with da bitch's red hair an' Luna came in too. Ginny waz crying da bitch's eyes an' da thang looked like da bitch waz havin' b'in abused by someone abusive.

"What's wrong?" meh asked da bitch's ta find out wa'tch waz goin' ta make da bitch's cry so bigly.

"Someone in mah family iz SEXIST!" da bitch yelled loudly in a loud voice.

"We already know about that sexist idiot Ron Raper," meh told da bitch's. "Remember, da nigga got epically killed by da awesome giant squid fo' being so sexist."

"It's no way that sexist idiot Ron Raper!" da bitch explained informatively. "I've never told ya'll this before, but Arthur iz very sexist an' Molly only married him because da bitch waz a huge slut. Molly always wanted me ta be a slut too so that meh could use Love Potion ta make ya'll fall in love with me back when ya'll waz a boy. After ya'll turned into a girl, da thang ruined da bitch's plans because she's so homophobic an' da bitch an' Arthur decided da thang waz mah fault an' started beating me with objects!"

"That's awful," meh explained ta da bitch's.

"I saved da bitch's when meh goed over ta da bitch's crib one dey," said Luna in da bitch's stupid voice. "She lives with me now, but da bitch's evil parents iz threatening ta sue us badly fo' no reason!"

"We better goed teach them a lesson!" meh yelled awesomely. Ginny started crying with happiness an' meh hugged da bitch's sisterly. Then we all walked out o' Malfoy Manor except fo' Narcissa hoo wasn't coming.

Chapter 3: Arthur an' moly

author's Note: Ginny calls da bitch's parents by da niggas' given names because she's awesome like Bella Swan an' Bella calls da bitch's dad "Charlie". Also, I'm explaining wa'tch happened in da previous story as this one goes along. if'in ya'll want ta know more about wa'tch happened in "Becoming female", you'll haz ta read da thang.

Me, Draco, Ginny, an' Luna walked up ta da ugly Burrow crib. Molly waz doing da chickens because da bitch did whatever housework da bitch's husband told da bitch's ta do because da bitch waz a slut. da bitch waz also wearing an ugly pink slutty bikini because da bitch waz a slut.

"Ginny says you're a slut!" meh explained loudly.

"I'll do da talking," said Arthur sexistly. da nigga waz wearing an ugly wife-beater an' drinking beer. "Women should let da niggas' husbands do all da niggas' talking stuff because da niggas belong ta them an' da niggas should only do inferior bitch things."

"You're sexist!" meh yelled.

"I see you're finally returning our daughter," Arthur laughed in an evil voice. "Now we can force da bitch's ta marry someone so she'll be locked away in a kitchen as a worthless housewife fo' da rest o' da bitch's life! That's da natural order because women suck."

"We won't let ya'll take da bitch's!" shouted Luna epically in an awesome way loudly.

"Then I'll goed ta da Ministry!" da nigga cackled sexistly. "They're very sexist, so they'll automatically take mah side! ya'll haz no chance!"

We all gasped furiously!

Chapter 4: Justice

AN: One-year-olds can't read, Jokegirl.

"Now, meh want mah daughter," said Arthur aggressively as da nigga borrowed out hiz wand an' pointed da thang at us with hiz hand! "Pass over da little cunt now!" da nigga added offensively.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" meh yelled. We all got our wands too! Molly didn't get out a wand because da bitch waz a slut an' because da bitch waz wearing a bikini which didn't haz anywhere ta put a wand anyway.

"Avada Kedavra!" yelled Arthur sexistly, aiming da green stuff at Ginny! Draco pushed Ginny aside gentlemanly an' da spell exploded epically.

"HOW DARE ya'll!" meh sobbed awesomely. "You're so SEXIST!" Arthur laughed in an evil voice.

"You'll all die an' NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!" da nigga said, telling us that da nigga would kill us all an' that da nigga wouldn't get in any trouble because no one would ever know about da thang.

"Not if'in meh haz anything ta say about da thang, ya'll dumb nincompoop!" shouted Luna epically. da bitch did a spell amazingly that made da thang so Arthur's clothes disappeared an' da nigga waz wearing boxers with ugly red hearts on them! da nigga screamed an' dropped hiz wand on da ground an' covered da boxers with hiz hands because da thang waz so embarrassing. Then da nigga ran inside crying pathetically in a sexist voice! meh picked up hiz wand an' broke da thang into twenty pieces while laughing happily.

Then Ginny did a spell that made da thang so da whole Burrow waz on fire. Arthur screamed badly as da nigga got on fire an' started ta burn up!

"NO, ya'll EPIC FOOLS!" da nigga screeched at us. "YOU'LL ALL PAY fo' THIS WHEN meh RAPE ya'll ALL ON PURPOSE!"

"You're destroying da kitchen!" yelled Molly at us sluttily. "Now mah life doesn't haz any meaning!"

We all picked up Molly an' threw da bitch's into da burning crib too because da bitch waz a slut. da bitch started ta cry stupidly as da bitch caught on fire!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" da bitch yelled evilly. da nigga all high-fived each other an' walked away laughing at Arthur an' Molly getting wa'tch da niggas deserved!

Chapter 5: A dey at Nordstrom

AN: meh haven't actually read da books cuz they're so long, but mah sister read them ta me once so meh know everything that happens an' stuff. da bitch also types up mah fics fo' me. da bitch thinks they're dumb, but da bitch haz ta do da thang or I'll show mom da pictures o' da bitch's with da bitch's boyfriend. meh wish meh waz havin' a boyfriend. ;(

We decided ta celebrate wa'tch we did by goin' shopping! We goed ta da Nordstrom in Diagon Alley. Hermione an' Professor McGonagall waz already there. Hermione waz wearing a green T-shirt, pink overalls, a blood red superhero cape with yellow stripes on da thang, an' dark purple Russian boots. McGonagall waz wearing a pretty peach blouse with blue polka dots, a neon green microskirt with da bitch's royal purple thong underwear showing, bright yellow go-go boots, an' tweed opera gloves. da bitch waz havin' also dyed da bitch's hair olive green an' styled da thang into a Dutch braid.

"Hey, guys!" meh screamed at them. "I just gave birth ta mah new baby thang an' we're calling da thang Sunshine."

"That's a lovely name!" said McGonagall wisely. "Someone needing a lobotomy would haz chosen a retarded name like Scorpius, but Sunshine iz much better."

"Yeah, that's da name Lucius would haz forced Draco ta use on hiz son if'in da nigga hadn't b'in dead," meh said back ta da bitch's responsively. "Thank goodness that didn't happen!"

We all started shopping awesomely. Draco bought a purple football helmet with yellow pictures o' flowers on da thang, an orange tuxedo with brown an' purple pinstripes, an' a brown an' black tweed turtleneck shirt thang. Ginny bought a tweed spaghetti strap jacket with a picture o' Robert Pattinson on da thang, red an' orange tie dye shorts, a pink an' gold plaid v-neck, an' expensive solid gold sandals. Luna bought a leather orange garter belt, a blue-green an' copper pantsuit, an' white wool socks. Hermione bought a pink an' orange embroidered sweat jacket an' a green cashmere skirt with purple polka dots. McGonagall bought a purple purse with yellow an' orange stripes on da thang an' a bright green string bikini. meh just got a cute purple an' brown flared skirt.

We all then goed ta Malfoy Manor ta hang out together an' stuff.

Chapter 6: Umbridge Spoils a Beautiful Morning

The next dey meh woke up in Draco's bed because we slept in da same bed because we waz married an' da thang waz awesome an' grown-up. meh put on a tweed purple blouse, a yellow Eisenhower jacket, a blue leather skirt with orange horizontal stripes, red tights, an' green sneakers. meh also put on underwear, but meh put da thang on before da rest o' mah clothes so that da underwear would be under them.

I goed downstairs with Draco an' then we started ta play Scrabble with Hermione, Ginny, Luna, McGonagall, Sirius, an' Lupin. Narcissa made us all food an' served da thang ta us because Draco didn't make me cook because da nigga wasn't sexist like that sexist idiot Ron Raper.

"I'm kicking all ya'lls asses!" laughed Luna, hoo waz winning victoriously. Suddenly, there waz a knock on da door an' Narcissa answered da thang. an' then walked in an evil, slutty bitch wearing ugly clothes!

"UMBRIDGE!" we all screamed at da bitch's, but da bitch didn't goed away. da bitch laughed badly at us.

"You DIED!" meh yelled at da bitch's dramatically. "We SAW ya'll be killed by that sexist idiot Lucius Malfoy when da nigga used da curse on ya'll an' made ya'll fly through da window."

"Oh, that wasn't me," Umbridge explained sluttily. "I tricked him. That waz only a hologram o' me that da nigga killed. Anyway, Arthur an' Molly escaped from da burning crib an' goed ta da Ministry fo' help an' now ya'll all haz ta goed ta a trial tomorrow."

"That's SEXIST!" Hermione boomed epically. Umbridge screamed happily in a slutty way!

"Soon you'll all be in Azkaban!" da bitch told us meanly. "That'll teach ya'll all ta haz sex with each other!" da bitch walked out o' da Manor laughing at herself. meh started ta cry at how unfair this waz an' Draco comforted me awesomely!

Chapter 7: We goed there

AN: Guess wa'tch all ya'll haters needing lobotomies? I've found a video o' someone reading mah story"Becoming Female" on YouTube an' look how funny da bitch finds da thang! So there!

The next dey, we all goed ta da trial thang at da Ministry o' Magic place. meh waz wearing a green tent dress with red an' orange lace. meh waz havin' dyed mah hair purple with red highlights an' put blue makeup on mah amazing girl face. meh waz havin' put high-heeled pure gold sandals on mah feet an' meh also waz havin' underwear on.

Arthur an' Molly waz already there. da niggas waz wearing paper bags because all da niggas' clothes waz havin' burned up in da fire. da niggas' ugly skin still waz havin' black stuff on da thang. We all laughed at them fo' looking so stupid!

"Well, we may no way haz any clothes anymore, but you're a BUM!" said Molly dumbly. We laughed at da bitch's fo' being so brain damaged.

Suddenly, Umbridge walked into da room. da bitch waz big an' fat an' da bitch waz wearing ugly pink slutty clothes. da bitch laughed at us in an evil voice with da bitch's big fat mouth.

"NOOOOOOOO!" meh shouted awesomly. "Where's Fudge? We'll take that homophobic idiot over ya'll, ya'll SLUT!"

"He's dead!" da bitch yelled at us meanly. "He died last night in an accidental way which wasn't murder. That makes me da new Minister now!" meh waz shocked! meh wasn't sure if'in da bitch waz telling da truth about da thang no way being a murdering. meh did wonder hoo might haz killed him, though.

"Now we'll start da trial," da bitch said. meh gasped at how unfair this waz! Draco started ta cry sadly in an unhappy way which showed that da nigga waz depressed.

"No one can save ya'll now, stupid!" Umbridge told us sluttily.

"We'll see about that, ya'll deranged nincompoop!" said a very handsome voice. We all saw a very sexy nigga walk into da room! da nigga waz a nigga an' da nigga looked exactly like Robert Pattinson except that da nigga wasn't a vampire. da nigga waz Viktor Krum!

Chapter 8: da trial thang starts!

"I iz in da hizzle ta defend these awesome niggas, ya'll fat cow!" Viktor explained epically. Umbridge started ta cry because da bitch's plan waz getting ruined, but then da bitch stopped an' goed on!

"You iz charged with attacking these nice niggas an' burning down da niggas' retarded crib," da bitch conveyed sluttily ta us. "I'm sending ya'll all ta Azkaban where ya'll can think about wa'tch ya'll did!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Draco in a manly voice.

"Wait, ya'll haz ta give them a chance ta defend themselves!" Viktor said sexily, looking more handsome than ever. da nigga waz wearing a neon green suit with giant orange polka dots an' a yellow tweed bucket hat. da nigga waz havin' dyed hiz hair bright purple. da nigga looked exactly like Robert Pattinson!

"Very well," muttered Umbridge as da bitch started ta cry sluttily again.

"Did these niggas give ya'll any reason ta attack them?" Viktor asked us in hiz amazing blue voice.

"Yeah, there waz SEXIST!" meh shouted epically an' all da court niggas gasped. One o' them fainted sadly.

"You'll never prove da thang, ya'll little whore!" shouted Arthur at us.

"Yeah, da thang haz our word against yours, ya'll dumb girl!" added in Molly sluttily.

I couldn't think o' how we could prove da truth ta everyone, so meh started ta cry! Draco started ta cry too, in a manly way. We waz doomed!

Chapter 9: Can Viktor prove da thang?

"I call Luna ta da stand," said Vitkor in a lawyer voice. Luna walked up crazily because da bitch waz weird.

"Do ya'll swear ta tell da whole truth an' nothing but da truth so help ya'll, God?" asked da nigga hoo said that part.

"I do," da bitch said, "and da thang haz true that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks iz real!" Everyone laughed at da bitch's, but da bitch didn't notice because da bitch waz weird, but weird in an epic way which made da bitch's awesome.

"Now Ginny came ta live with ya'll at some time," said Viktor handsomely. "Can ya'll explain why?"

"Yeah, da bitch's parents waz sexist," Luna explained truthfully in a crazy voice. "They wanted da bitch's ta be a slut an' marry Harry Potter even though da thang wasn't True Love."

Everyone gasped at how sexist that waz, but meh could tell half o' them waz secretly sexist an' only pretending ta gasp! meh felt scared that da niggas might vote against us an' send us all ta Azkaban where we didn't belong!

"You'll never prove da thang, ya'll little dumb girl thang!" shouted Arthur sexistly.

"Can ya'll tell da court wa'tch ya'll think o' girls, Arthur?" asked Viktor cleverly. But Arthur didn't fall fo' da thang.

"I believe those retarded sluts deserve equal rights with awesome niggas," da nigga lied convincingly.

I gasped at how clever da nigga waz havin' hidden hiz true feelings about girls! How could Viktor prove da nigga waz sexist now?

"Well, since there's no proof these nice niggas iz sexist, meh declare ya'll guilty!" yelled Umbridge sluttily. "Now I'll decide ya'lls punishment."

I gasped awesomely an' Draco started ta cry manily.

Chapter 10: Umbridge sucks!

"I haz decided ya'lls punishment," Umbridge decided evilly. "You'll give me ya'lls wands an' goed live in da Muggle world forever!"

"No, meh won't let ya'll!" meh shouted, but we waz forced ta comply when some niggas pointed da niggas' wands at us sexistly. Luna began ta cry loudly an' Draco comforted da bitch's handsomely.

"Also, Ginny will goed back ta live with da bitch's parents since there's no proof they're sexist," said Umbridge sluttily. "They can do whatever da niggas want ta da bitch's!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Ginny as Molly pulled da bitch's out o' da court by da bitch's ear. Umbridge laughed at us evilly fo' losing.

"Now that I'm in charge o' da wizard world thang," da bitch said, "I'm making da thang a rule that no one can ever haz sex! From now on, all babies will be delivered by storks."

"YOU FAT SLUT!" meh yelled truthfully at da bitch's.

"I can run da wizard world da way meh want, stupid!" da bitch said at me. "If ya'll or ya'lls friends ever try ta goed into da wizard world again, I'll send ya'll all ta Azkaban! Take them away!"

I cried epically as da guards dragged us all out o' da room meanly!

Chapter 11: Return ta da Dursleys

Those sexist guards threw me, Draco, an' Luna out o' da red elevator thang which goed down into da Ministry room. We waz now stuck on da streets!

"What will we do now?" asked Draco as hiz epic tears masculinely poured down hiz face. "We're no way allowed in da wizard world anymore an' we haz nowhere in da Muggle world ta goed!"

"Well, meh still haz da Dursleys," meh said ta them. "You can all move in with me."

"Okay, that sounds nice," said Luna insanely.

"But Uncle Vernon iz really mean an' da nigga doesn't know that I'm a girl now," meh explained sadly. "He's also very sexist an' da nigga hates wizards because he's a Christian fundamentalist."

"Well, we don't haz any other choice," verbalized Draco as da nigga continued ta cry awesomely.

We all goed ta da Privet Drive an' meh knocked on da door sadly.

Chapter 12: da Christian Fundamentalist

AN: meh need more reviews, except from mean flamers like JOKEGIRL hoo SUCK.

Aunt Petunia opened da door sluttily. da bitch waz wearing ugly slutty clothes because da bitch waz a slut.

"Vernon, there iz niggas in da hizzle!" da bitch said. Vernon walked forward. da nigga waz wearing Christian clothes.

"Who iz ya'll?" da nigga asked in a bigot voice.

"I'm ya'lls nephew Harry Potter," meh explained truthfully. "I got turned into a girl by accident an' married Draco Malfoy, so now mah name iz Crystal Malfoy. This iz mah husband Draco an' mah friend Luna. We've b'in kicked out o' da wizard world."

"Praise da Lord!" cried Vernon, raising up hiz hands. "I haz long prayed fo' ya'll ta renounce da ways o' Satan an' embrace our Lord, Jesus Christ. Now ya'll haz finally seen da evil o' ya'lls ways. In da name o' da Father, an' o' da Son, an' o' da Holy Ghost, Amen!"

"So you'll let us stay in da hizzle?" asked Draco sexily.

"Oh, yes!" Vernon shouted loudly. "We iz a good Christian family an' we shall save ya'll all from da darkness an' unteach ya'll da teachings o' Satan. Amen!"

Vernon walked off ta goed pray on God an' we all goed into da living room. Dudley waz watching a dumb show called "Jokegirl". da thang waz about this mean blonde cheerleader hoo waz popular an' mean an' also extremely fat. da bitch waz called "Jokegirl" because da bitch waz such a joke. We all laughed as da niggas on da show gave da bitch's da lobotomy da bitch needed.

Chapter 13: Dudley iz so Cute!

An: ya'll iz SUCH a hypocrite, Jokegirl. da thang haz okay fo' ya'll ta call me swear words like "dillhole" an' "dumbass" just because ya'll don't like mah awesome story, but when meh bravely stand up ta ya'lls meanness, suddenly I'm da jerk! You're just jealous cuz meh haz so many more reviews than ya'll.

And Flecktrike, meh didn't give ya'll a mention because ya'll weren't mean enough ta deserve da thang.

story: da thang turned out Dudley waz retarded an' da nigga waz havin' only b'in so mean because da nigga didn't know any better. Ever since da nigga waz havin' apologized an' said meh wasn't a waste o' space, da nigga waz havin' b'in a complete sweetheart an' now we waz great friends.

"Hello, Dudley. I'm Harry, but now I'm a girl," meh explained epically.

"Okay," said Dudley retardedly. da nigga believed whatever da nigga waz told because da nigga waz retarded.

"My, ya'll look handsome!" said Luna awesomely.

"You think so?" asked Dudley cutely. Me an' Draco goed "awwwwwwwww!" We didn't hate Dudley fo' being fat, because fat niggas can be awesome. o' course, SOME fat niggas iz jerks an' deserve ta be made fun o', but no way fo' being fat.

"Yes, ya'll deserve ta be loved by an awesome girl," Luna told him. Dudley looked so cutely happy because no girl waz havin' ever told him that before!

"Come on, da thang haz time fo' church!" said Vernon religiously.

"But da thang haz no way even Sunday!" Draco gasped manily.

"We goed ta church every dey because we're Christian fundamentalists," said Vernon sexistly. "In da name o' da Father, an' o' da Son, an' o' da Holy Ghost, Amen!"

So we all goed into da lo rider an' Vernon started driving down da road thang. da nigga played hiz Newsboys an' Jars o' Clay CDs an' forced us ta sing along because da nigga waz a Christian fundamentalist. Eventually, da nigga goed ta a building with a big sign reading "St. Christian Fundamentalist Church" an' turned into da parking lot, which waz havin' almost no cars in da thang because most niggas aren't Christian fundamentalists.

"We're in da hizzle!" screamed Vernon as da nigga stopped da lo rider on purpose.

Chapter 14: A Sexist Preacher

AN: Awww, looks like Jokegirl haz created some sock puppets ta try ta trick niggas into thinking da bitch haz friends. How sad. an' Flecktrike, meh know you're trying ta be mean enough that I'll put ya'll in da story. Well, guess wa'tch? da thang won't work because meh KNOW da thang haz wa'tch ya'll WANT! Ha, ha!

We all goed inside da church an' sat down. Preacher Bob started talking an' da thang waz SO BORING. meh really hated Christian fundamentalists, but no way all Christians because that would be racist!

"Everyone should be Muggles," said Preacher Bob bigotly. "Magic iz evil an' dumb because Jesus said so on page seven o' da Bible. Also, when gays marry, da thang ruins marriage fo' da rest o' us."

"Stop, that's WRONG!" meh shouted, bravely standing up. "You're HOMOPHOBIC!"

"Don't listen ta da bitch's," Preacher Bob said evilly. "Girls iz all retarded. da Bible proves da thang when Eve waz so dumb da bitch ate an unhealthy apple instead o' awesome chocolate cake!"

"Apples iz healthy, ya'll moron!" meh shouted. "Your Bible makes NO SENSE!" Everyone in da room gasped.

"Shut up, or I'll send ya'll ta Hell on purpose!" Preacher Bob screamed. da nigga waz really ugly an' sexist.

"You're SEXIST!" meh shouted loudly in a loud voice, but that sexist idiot Preacher Bob kept talking. After da nigga waz done, we all goed out o' da church an' into da lo rider.

Chapter 15: Dudley falls in love

"How DARE ya'll talk ta Preacher Bob that way!" shouted Vernon as da nigga started da lo rider. "He speaks da words o' our Lord, Jesus Christ."

"He waz saying mean things about gay niggas an' women!" meh pointed out sexily.

"Our Lord, Jesus Christ, loves everyone an' only da nigga iz smart enough ta know hoo sucks," laughed Vernon evilly. "Amen!"

"That's SEXIST!" meh yelled at him, but da nigga didn't listen because da nigga waz a Christian fundamentalist.

We arrived back at da crib thang an' goed inside. Luna waz holding Dudley's hand cutely.

"Let's watch TV," said Dudley, too stupid ta realize that da nigga waz havin' become retarded in da first place because o' da TV, especially "Jersey Shore".

"No, let's goed outside," said Luna sweetly an' we all goed outside, except fo' Vernon, hoo stayed inside ta read hiz favorite Chick tracts.

"I wonder how this Chick guy haz heard o' mah nephew Harry Potter?" asked Vernon, but we all ignored him because da nigga waz sexist an' dumb.

Outside, Luna started telling Dudley all about da bitch's amazing, crazy creatures. da nigga believed da bitch's because da nigga waz retarded an' da thang waz SO CUTE. Dudley waz havin' a much better time listening ta da bitch's then da nigga ever waz havin' watching da television. Suddenly, Luna kissed him an' we all clapped happily.

"Way ta goed!" screamed Petunia. "Now haz sex with him in front o' everyone!"

"Shut up, you're A SLUT!" meh shouted at da bitch's because da bitch waz a slut.

Later, we goed inside ta eat our yummy dinner, but Vernon waz havin' ta pray before da nigga could eat!

"Come Lord Jesus, bless everyone an' kill all da stupid wizards," Vernon prayed. "In da name o' da Father, an' o' da Son, an' o' da Holy Ghost, Amen!"

"So, where iz everyone goin' ta sleep?" meh asked them as we all started eating da food an' stuff.

"You an' Draco will share ya'lls room," explained Vernon at us, "because da thang haz okay fo' ya'll ta haz sex since you're married. Luna will get ya'lls old room in da cupboard under da stairs."

After we finished eating, me an' Draco goed up ta mah room.

"Hey, Hedwig!" meh said ta Hedwig. Hedwig hooted happily at me.

Me an' Draco goed into mah bed an' started ta haz sex awesomely. Hedwig looked away while we did da thang so da bitch wasn't perving on us.

Chapter 16: Vernon iz so Mean!

AN: Stop flaming me with ya'lls sock puppets, Jokegirl. ya'll totally need a lobotomy lol.

The next morning me an' Draco woke up in mah bed. meh put on a pink sweater with horizontal orange stripes, a neon green skirt, an' purple tweed sneakers. meh also waz havin' underwear on. Draco put on an awesome red an' orange pinstriped suit with a navy blue tie. We goed downstairs an' Petunia made us breakfast because da bitch waz a slut. Vernon waz watching "The Glenn Beck Show" because da nigga waz a Christian fundamentalist.

"That evil evolution iz still being taught in schools," said Glenn Beck sexistly.

"May God save us all from da evil teachings o' that atheist Satan!" yelled Vernon in a religious voice. "Amen!"

"Where's Dudley?" asked Petunia. "I don't want ta waste all mah awesome food on Crystal an' Draco!"

"I'll goed get him," said Vernon back ta da bitch's an' da nigga goed upstairs. After awhile, we heard him scream at da top o' hiz lungs! da nigga sounded like a little girl!

We all ran upstairs an' saw Luna waz in Dudley's bed with him! da niggas waz naked, but da niggas waz covering themselves with da blanket so da niggas waz appropriate ta look at.

"YOU waz havin' SEX an' WEREN'T MARRIED!" Vernon screamed because da nigga waz intolerant an' a Christian fundamentalist.

"It's no way da niggas' fault!" meh tried ta explain. "Dudley didn't know any better because da nigga waz retarded an' da thang wasn't Luna's fault because she's just crazy an' does weird things."

"How dare ya'll!" said Vernon, ignoring me meanly. "Now ya'll haz ta get married or Jesus will hate ya'll! Amen!"

Luna started ta cry sadly an' Dudley comforted da bitch's retardedly. We left da room so da niggas could put on clothes without us looking at them while da niggas waz naked, which would be gross an' embarrassing.

Chapter 17: Another Event Happens

An: fo' da last time, Flecktrike, meh told ya'll meh wouldn't put ya'll in da story no matter how mean ya'll waz.

"YOU WILL GET MARRIED!" Vernon screamed badly at Dudley an' Luna. "And da thang will be a Christian fundamentalist wedding, which means Luna will haz ta vow ta be Dudley's slave an' do all hiz crib work an' laundry fo' him! Amen!"

"That's SEXIST!" meh yelled outrageously.

"Women iz supposed ta do cleaning an' haz babies an' stuff," said Petunia sluttily. "That's our only purpose in life because niggas iz better than us."

"PETUNIA, ya'll IGNORANT SLUT!" screeched Draco awesomely.

"I don't want ta be a Christian fundamentalist," said Dudley bravely. "Luna shouldn't be mah slave an' she's smarter than me anyway, so da bitch should make all da decisions."

"HOW DARE ya'll!" emitted Vernon loudly. "You're no way allowed ta get married da way ya'll want ta because you're so awesome fo' being a nigga! In da name o' da Father, an' o' da Son, an' o' da Holy Ghost, Amen!"

Then we all watched a movie. We waz only allowed ta watch Christian movies, so we watched "Raise ya'lls Voice". Vernon clapped sexistly at all da parts where Hilary Duff goed ta church an' did other Christian things. Suddenly, there waz an explosion an' da front door flew into da room epically.

A nigga walked into da crib. da nigga waz awesome an' sexy an' da nigga waz havin' on epic clothes. da nigga looked exactly like Robert Pattinson! da nigga turned ta look at us sexily an' raised up a wand. da nigga waz Viktor Krum!

"I'm in da hizzle ta save ya'll all, Crystal!" da nigga said at us.

Chapter 18: Saved at last!

AN: Nice try, Flecktrike. ya'll only started being really mean after meh put Jokegirl in da story. In fact, ya'll said "Wow, meh didn't get a mention, I'm so upset. Can meh get a mention if'in meh call ya'll a dumb blonde slut hoo needs ta pull da bitch's head out o' da bitch's ass." meh know you're trying ta trick me ta put ya'll in da story like with Jokegirl an' da thang haz no way goin' ta WORK.

"Go away, ya'll Satanist wizard!" yelled Vernon evilly. "We've made Crystal reject ya'lls evil atheism an' embrace our Lord, Jesus Christ! Amen!"

"THAT'S no way TRUE, ya'll MORONIC NITWIT!" said Dudley epically. Vernon distracted him by turning da TV ta that sexist show "Jersey Shore".

"Men iz better than women," said Snooki sluttily on da TV because da bitch waz slut.

"NO, STOP!" screamed Luna. "YOU'RE MAKING HIM MORE RETARDED!"

As Dudley watched that dumb reality show "Jersey Shore", da nigga did become more an' more retarded! da nigga waz retarded in da first place because o' shows like that an' "Jokegirl". "Jokegirl" waz an especially dumb show because da narrator didn't know da difference between first nigga an' third nigga in grammar.

"Step aside, ya'll fat nincompoop!" Viktor said ta Vernon awesomely.

"Make me!" laughed Vernon in a bad voice. "In da name o' da Father, an' o' da Son, an' o' da Holy Ghost, Amen!"

Viktor an' Vernon climbed onto da coffee table epically. Viktor held up hiz wand while Vernon meanly borrowed out hiz samurai sword. da nigga raised da thang up in da air ta hit poor Vitkor with da thang Christianly.

"And da nigga shall smite da wicked an' plunge them into da fiery pit!" Vernon said in a hypocritical voice because actually da nigga waz wicked an' Viktor waz nice.

Suddenly, Vernon tripped on a banana peel an' feel backward into da TV, which waz epically ironic because actually da nigga waz da one hoo waz wicked an' so wa'tch da nigga said actually happened! da TV blew up in electricity an' Vernon died awesomely in da explosion. With da TV gone, Dudley stopped becoming more retarded an' now da nigga didn't haz ta be a Christian fundamentalist anymore either. We all cheered about that sexist Christian fundamentalist Vernon being gone fo' good this time!

Chapter 19: Back ta Magic World

AN: da views o' Vernon iz no way shared by me.

Later that dey, Petunia died while havin' an orgy with six random guys because da bitch waz a slut. Then Dudley decided ta marry Luna an' no way be a Christian fundamentalist like hiz father. Viktor gave me an' Draco back our wands, but Luna decided ta stay in da Muggle world an' live happily ever after with da bitch's new husband, Dudley Dursley!

Me, Draco, an' Viktor got into Vitkor's awesome flying pink lo rider convertible. We flew away from Privet Drive while Dudley an' Luna stood in da front yard ta wave goodbye epically. Behind them, Preacher Bob waz tied up an' on fire because Dudley an' Luna waz punishing him fo' being sexist!

"So what's da thang like in da wizard world now?" meh asked Viktor ta him.

"Well, after Umbridge borrowed over da bitch made some new laws," said Viktor sexily. "No one waz allowed ta haz sex or even kiss. niggas waz only allowed ta hold hands!"

"THAT SLUT!" meh yelled angrily.

"Umbridge waz also really mean," Viktor said more. "She said abusive things like 'You haz got ta be da stupidest nigga meh haz ever met' an' 'Go back ta first grade, dillhole', but acted like that didn't count as being mean. Then Hermione stood up ta da bitch's an' called da bitch's fat an' Umbridge got really upset an' sent Hermione ta Azkaban fo' being mean!"

"What a hypocrite!" Draco laughed epically. "She totally needs a lobotomy!"

"Yeah, that's when everyone realized how much Umbridge sucked," Viktor explained. "She's dead now an' they've made Sirius da new Minister. He's turned everything back ta normal an' sent me ta get ya'll an' bring ya'll ta him."

"Okay, that's hot," meh said ta Viktor in a voice.

Chapter 20: a Sirius Minister

an: Ha, ha, Jokegirl, someone haz posted a review which says Flecktrike iz ya'lls sock puppet an' that means da thang must be true! Well, guess wa'tch? Now I'm no way putting ya'll in da story either because if'in Flecktrike wanted da thang, that means ya'll wanted da thang too! meh guess that's da only reason ya'll waz so mean in da first place.

We goed ta da Ministry o' Magic an' Viktor parked hiz lo rider in Sirius' office. Sirius waz wearing hot sunglasses an' da nigga waz havin' replaced da desk with a hot tub. Two hot girls wearing bikinis waz in da tub with him because da nigga waz such a stud. da niggas weren't sluts because da niggas waz in love with Sirius fo' hiz personality an' no way because o' sex. Sirius waz wearing epic swimming trunks so that da nigga wouldn't be naked because da nigga wasn't a weirdo perv.

"Hey, Crystal! Hey, Draco!" said Sirius in a sexual voice. "Where's Luna?"

"She stayed in da Muggle world because da bitch found true love there!" meh explained an' meh started ta cry happily because meh waz so happy fo' da bitch's!

"Oh, that's so romantic!" Sirius squealed happily.

Suddenly, Hermione walked in da room. da bitch waz wearing a lime green rayon blouse with purple polka dots, skin-tight hot pink short shorts made o' tweed, olive green tights, cerise knee-high socks, an' orange boots with blue stripes. meh couldn't see da thang, but meh assumed da bitch also waz havin' on a bra an' panties under da rest o' da bitch's clothes so that da bitch would be wearing underwear.

"Hello, Crystal," said Hermione in a nerd voice. "Are ya'll ready ta goed?"

"What?" meh asked in a confused way because meh didn't know wa'tch da bitch meant by that.

"I haven't explained yet," said Sirius awesomely. "I need ta send ya'll all on an important mission."

Chapter 21: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

AN: Wow, Jokegirl, wow. ya'll can't fool me by changing "Flecktrike" ta "Not Interested In ya'lls Lies". meh know da thang haz still ya'll, Jokegirl. meh bet all da flames mah stories haz gotten haz b'in from ya'lls sock puppets lol. ya'll SO need a lobotomy. :D

"What iz da thang?" asked Draco in an awesome voice because da nigga waz awesome.

"Well, with da Burrow gone, Umbridge decided Arthur an' Molly needed in a new crib," Sirius explained sexually, "so da bitch gave them Malfoy Manor. They're now in control o' da crib an' they've made Narcissa da niggas' maid!"

"THAT SLUTTY NINCOMPOOP!" meh yelled angrily, referring ta Umbridge as a slutty nincompoop.

"After meh became Minister meh told them ta move out, but da niggas wouldn't," said Sirius in a sad way. "Now they're goin' ta make Ginny marry that sexist idiot Theodore Nott!"

"That's SEXIST!" meh screeched epically. "Anyway, wa'tch do ya'll want us ta do?"

"You, Draco, an' Hermione must goed there an' save Ginny," Sirius said ta us, explaining wa'tch we waz havin' ta do. "Viktor can't goed because da nigga haz ta goed play Quidditch awesomely fo' Bulgaria."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" meh screamed. meh started ta cry because Viktor waz so awesome an' sexy an' meh didn't want him ta goed away!

"Don't worry, Crystal, I'll still be there," said Draco mannishly. da nigga kissed me in a grown-up married way an' meh blushed epically!

Chapter 22: da Next Chapter

author's note: Sorry I've taken so long ta update, but meh waz so busy with da end o' school. Also I've b'in feelin' sad cuz da boy meh like never let me sit next ta him in class all year cuz da nigga thought meh might haz cooties. :(

We all goed ta Malfoy Manor an' da thang waz covered in ugly wedding decorations! Barty Crouch, Jr. waz there waiting fo' us an' da nigga waz so incredibly hot. da nigga looked exactly like Robert Pattinson!

"Hey, Barty!" meh said ta him. da nigga waz havin' turned nice after da dementor sucked all da evil out o' him.

"Hey," da nigga said at us. "Sirius sent me in da hizzle ta help ya'll. Also, da thang turns out Viktor Krum iz really ugly an' sexist an' da nigga doesn't even look like Robert Pattinson."

"That sexist idiot!" me an' Draco laughed together. Barty tried ta lead us into da crib, but Molly stopped us. da bitch waz wearing fancy slut clothes from five hundred years ago or whenever da Wild West waz.

"You aren't invited!" da bitch said sluttily at us. "Ginny iz marrying Theodore Nott todey whether da bitch likes da thang or no way an' then Arthur will be very bigly rich! no way like when meh tried ta write a book."

"Molly wanted ta write a story," Barty explained sexily, "but da thang waz too much work, so da bitch plagiarized one that waz really written by Saf Dawnheart instead."

"It's no way mah fault I'm such a bad writer!" Molly cried pathetically. "I don't even know da difference between first nigga an' third nigga in grammar."

"You're such a joke, girl," meh told da bitch's awesomely.

"Get out o' our way, stupid!" yelled Hermione epically at that slut Molly.

"I WON'T LET ya'll THROUGH, ya'll RETARDED GIRL!" shouted Molly sluttily because da bitch waz a slut.

Molly tried ta block da way with da bitch's arms, but Barty did a spell that made da thang so da bitch waz on fire. All da bitch's clothes all burned up instantly, except fo' da panties because that would be gross. da bitch's hair waz still on fire so da bitch looked exactly like that ugly sexist guy from "Hercules" except that da fire wasn't blue!

"Give me some clothes!" da bitch screamed sluttily as da bitch tried ta cover da bitch's extremely tiny breasts with da bitch's arms.

"NO!" we all laughed at da bitch's an' walked inside!

Chapter 23: He's back!

AN: Thesporktheives, meh never said all Christians waz like that, only Christian Fundamentalists. Remember in chapter 14 when Crystal said da bitch hated Christian Fundamentalists, but no way all Christians because that would be racist! an' meh cant be sexist cuz I'm a girl lol.

BTW, I've taken a writing class now, so da writing will be improveder in this chapter, okay?

Story: We all goed inside da room with da niggas. da niggas waz all SO UGLY an' da guys waz all sexist an' da girls waz all sluts! We could tell this because da guys waz being sexist an' da girls waz wearing ugly slutty clothes.

"Hi I'm a bitchy stupid teenager" said an ugly slut "and I'm mean ta mah awesome little sister all da time fo' no reason! meh hate that da bitch blackmailed me with a picture o' me an' mah boyfriend." We all felt a great connection at wa'tch a familiar an' relatable situation this waz.

In a sudden way that sexist idiot Arthur walked out onto da stage. We knew da nigga waz sexist because da nigga waz havin' said sexist things before!

"Ginny's locked up in da tower" said Arthur speaking with hiz mouth. "When da thang haz time fo' da wedding part we'll bring da bitch's down ta marry Theodore Nott!" da nigga waz talking in an American accent because most niggas know more American niggas than British niggas so that way more niggas could relate ta da thang.

In a sudden way someone walked out on stage! da nigga waz covered in bandages so da nigga looked exactly like a mummy but one o' da Egyptian ones an' no way like just a mother! Egyptian mummies iz sometimes in museums so da situation waz relatable ta niggas hoo waz havin' gone ta museums.

"This iz our special guest" said Arthur. "He will be in da hizzle fo' da wedding." da ugly nigga in da bandages walked up ta talk in front o' us all.

"Why can't women drive?" da nigga said in a sexist voice. "Because there's no road between da kitchen an' da bedroom!" We could tell da nigga waz sexist because da nigga waz havin' just made a sexist joke! This waz an example o' showing an' no way telling.

In a sudden way da nigga started ta undo da bandages revealing hiz ugly sexist face. da nigga waz someone we thought waz dead but da nigga wasn't! da nigga waz havin' ugly red slicked back hair an' hiz face waz ugly. da nigga waz wearing an old-fashioned suit an' da thang waz ruined but no way enough ta show too much o' hiz horrible ugly body! da nigga laughed in a sexist voice because da nigga waz sexist.

HE waz RON RAPER!

Chapter 24: A Slut in mah bedroom!

AN: meh already haz a beta with mah sister an' she's, like, really smart. da bitch knows stuff an' everything.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" meh shouted in an impossible voice. "This iz IMPOSSIBLE! You're supposed ta be DEAD!"

"Well, if'in da thang iz no way Crystal Malfoy," said Ron Raper sexistly. "This time I'm goin' ta get away with raping ya'll sexistly an' there's nothing ya'll can do about da thang. Guards, put da bitch's an' Hermione in da tower with da other sluts!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" meh screamed epically as me an' Hermione waz led away ta da tower. meh waz horrified ta discover da niggas waz havin' written da words "sluts ta rape here" on mah bedroom door. da letters waz in an ugly font an' da niggas waz havin' sexistly made them pink!

In a sudden way, da guards threw up us into da room an' locked us in sexistly. Ginny waz in there an' da bitch waz havin' b'in forced ta wear a slutty wedding dress even though da bitch wasn't a slut! da dress waz an ugly pure white color.

"You've got ta get me out o' in da hizzle!" screamed Ginny amazingly. "They're goin' ta make me marry that sexist idiot Theodore Nott!"

But Ginny wasn't da only nigga in da room. That ugly slut Lavender waz also there an' da bitch waz being slutty! Parvati wasn't there because da bitch waz havin' b'in eaten by sharks. There waz a little girl also there. da bitch waz that innocent first year Fanny meh waz havin' saved epically before. Fanny waz innocent because da bitch waz a first year. meh couldn't believe even Ron Raper would goed that low!

"That SEXIST pedophile!" meh shouted angrily in an angry voice.

Chapter 25: Freedom!

An: meh didn't brake da rules. Snooki iz no way a real nigga cuz reality TV iz fake. meh guess certain niggas believe everything da niggas see on television lol. BTW, meh iz no way eleven an' a half years old.

Suddenly, someone flew up ta da window thang on a broomstick an' da thang waz Draco an' Barty. da niggas looked twice as sexy an' awesome together! da niggas also weren't wearing shirts.

"We're in da hizzle ta save ya'll," announced Barty ta us. da nigga splashed da bars with da dangerous chemical dihydrogen monoxide an' da niggas melted epically. We all cheered! Then Draco sexily climbed in da window an' so did Barty.

"Can meh haz a shirt?" asked Draco, hoo waz shivering masculinely because da nigga waz cold.

"NO!" laughed me, Hermione, an' Ginny because Draco waz SO HOT without a shirt. da nigga waz havin' amazing gray eyes on hiz face part.

Then we threw that skanky slut Lavender out da window an' da bitch landed on da ground on da bitch's butt an' started ta cry sluttily because da bitch waz a slut! Then meh did a spell that made da thang so da bitch's clothes waz on fire an' da bitch ran away screaming. We all laughed at how funny da thang waz seeing da bitch's get da awesome punishment da bitch deserved fo' being a brobdingnagian slut!

We all decided wa'tch ta do next. Draco waz good with children, so da nigga played with Fanny using hiz wand. Meanwhile, Barty led da rest o' us down da stairs epically!

Chapter 26: da niggas get away sexistly

AN: ya'll can't fool me, Jokegirl. meh know "Kuro R. Phantomhive" iz another o' ya'lls sock puppets. "Kuro" said "OH an' and by da way... meh iz no way Interested In ya'lls Lies." Well, no way Interested In ya'lls Lies iz Flecktrike's new name an' Flecktrike iz da same as Jokegirl! meh bet ya'll didn't think I'd remember all that, huh? Also, Kuro wanted ta be putted in da story an' that's wa'tch Jokegirl wanted too. THERE'S da PROOF, HA, HA, HA!

Me, Hermione, an' Ginny goed down da stair things after Barty. da nigga waz so sexy an' awesome! da nigga burst epically into da room where all da bad niggas waz.

"HOW DID ya'll GET LOOSE, ya'll bitch GIRLS!" shouted that sexist idiot Ron Raper sexistly in a sexist voice because da nigga waz sexist.

"You're SEXIST!" meh yelled awesomely at him because da nigga waz sexist in a sexist way! meh got out mah wand an' did a spell at him, but da nigga just laughed sexistly. A broom came up ta him an' da nigga flew away through da glass part o' a window before da spell could get ta where da nigga waz an' make him effected by da thang.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO, HE'S GETTING AWAY!" meh yelled madly. Arthur laughed sexistly as da nigga disappeared away from where we waz. Everyone gasped at how sexist da nigga waz being!

Then Ginny did a spell that da thang made so Theodore Nott's skin all fell off an' then da bitch put wa'tch waz left o' him on fire. We all laughed as da nigga started ta die slowly an' painfully. That would teach him fo' being so SEXIST!

Chapter 27: Epic Stuff Happens

"HOW DARE ya'll, ya'll LUDICRUS WHORE!" shouted some sexist guy sexistly! "LET'S GET THOSE FEMININE SCHLEMIELS!"

All da bad niggas ran at us fo' wa'tch we did! da girls joined in because da niggas waz sluts.

"What iz we goin' ta do?" meh panicked feministly. meh started ta cry, but then Barty raised up hiz wand epically in an epic way!

"Treguna Mekoides Tracorum Satis Dee!" da nigga shouted epically. All da suits o' armor in da crib came alive an' started awesomely attacking da bad niggas! Suddenly, da bad people's clothes flew off da niggas' bodies an' started attacking them too so da niggas waz naked. We all laughed at them getting wa'tch da niggas deserved!

Suddenly, that ugly slut Molly ran into da room ugilily in an ugly manner! da bitch waz wearing an ugly barrel so that da bitch wasn't naked. In a sudden way, a bitch suit o' armor came up ta da bitch's an' cut da straps so that da barrel fell off o' da bitch's embarrassingly!

"Not mah barrel, ya'll bitch!" Molly shouted sluttily as da bitch tried ta cover herself an' ran away blushing. All da bad niggas ran out o' da crib from da suits o' armor just like wa'tch happened ta those bad niggas with da guns in that movie thang. We all cheered at them being gone an' Narcissa hugged me awesomely fo' saving da dey!

Chapter 28: an AWESOME surprise

An: ya'll can't fool me, Jokegirl. ya'll may haz changed ya'lls name ta something stupid, but da PICTURE iz STILL da SAME. Ha, ha, meh win!

The next dey, meh woke up an' put on clothes. Soon meh waz wearing a lime green poet shirt with both golden horizontal stripes an' red polka dots, pink tweed shorts with bright orange tights, an' yellow snow shoes. meh dyed mah hair purple an' put da thang into a Dutch braid an' then meh put on too much makeup. meh also waz havin' underwear on.

I goed downstairs an' no one waz there. meh started ta cry because meh felt so lonely when suddenly almost everyone meh knew jumped out an' said "SURPRISE!" meh screamed as balloons fell on me! Almost everyone waz there, including Draco, Barty, Hermione, Ginny, Narcissa, Sirius, Hagrid, Fanny, Griphook, Lupin, Snape, Bellatrix, Cho Chang, an' Winky da House-Elf. o' course, there wasn't anyone there that waz sexist!

"What iz ya'll all doing in da hizzle?" meh asked in surprise because meh waz surprised.

"This iz our way o' thanking ya'll fo' saving everyone," said Draco handsomely. da nigga waz crying mannishly because da nigga waz so overcome with pleasure emotions. That made me cry more an' soon everyone waz crying except fo' Barty!

"You haz done well, Crystal," said Barty in a sexy, serious voice. da nigga looked so sexy an' epic! da nigga looked exactly like Robert Pattinson!

"You're such a strong bitch!" sobbed Hermione awesomely. "You never let niggas do everything fo' ya'll like someone needing a lobotomy would think!"

"Yeah, that's true," meh said epically.

I waz goin' ta cut da cake, but da knife waz a little heavy, so Draco did da thang fo' me. mah fork waz kind o' heavy too, so Draco fed me romantically. Everyone goed "awwwww!" at how cute da thang waz. Then meh waz feelin' too tired ta walk, so Draco awesomely carried me into da living room. We watched that epic show "Shake da thang Up" an' meh thought about how Dudley would never haz become so retarded if'in da nigga waz havin' watched good television like that. Suddenly, da doorbell rang suddenly in a sudden way!


End file.
